Kosher Eucharist / יוקאריסט כשר

The detritus of a cold and rainy Shabbat, circa 2 AM:

Empty bottles of Tuborg: 6
Empty bottles of vodka: 2 (to be fair, they weren’t full at the beginning of the day)
Half-empty bottles of arak: 1
Empty bottles of Hebron Grenache Rose “wine”: 1
Empty bottles of Super Drink-brand Charedi soda: 2 (”Cocktail” flavor makes an excellent and aesthetically pleasing mixer, especially if you are too effeminate to drink straight liquor, as we are)
Choco-vanilla halvah consumed in drunken stupor: entirety of 1 enormous block
Pomela rinds used as hat: 1
Blows sustained to pomela rind while on Chris’s head, “to see if it worked”: 6
Future Tales from the Eucharist storyboarded in semi-drunken stupor: 1
Amount of times Chris was heard to remark “This is good, Jew” regarding my poor man’s concoction of rice, chickpeas, tomatoes, corn and Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning: 3
Number of national anthems sung in deep, stentorian voices: 4
Number of national anthems sung in “The Reilly Voice”: 1
Episodes of various cartoons watched: many
Hours of sleep, starting at roughly 6 PM: 8
Exits made from the apartment: 0