Kosher Eucharist / יוקאריסט כשר

Preface: I like New Zealand and its people a lot.

However.

The clothing choices here baffle me. I’m not really a fashion plate or clothes horse - partly because clothes never fit me well, and partly because I don’t care. For example, I have four brown striped polo shirts, and I brought three of them with me to New Zealand. See? Reliable, presentable garb. A Calvinist would be proud. But, unlike many New Zealanders, I would never wear:

- a mullet. Now, I know I mentioned mullets before, but I don’t think I was clear. There’s the standard mullet here, but there’s also a New Wave “Fashion” mullet. The long part is only a fringe of hairs in the back, of irregular length, and the short part is erratically spike like a drunken cockatiel. The effect when paired with a public school uniform is unsettling.

- slacks, dress shoes, and fishnets. Did this woman think that an ankle with webbing would entice?

- very, very short shorts. On men. I don’t ever like to see knees, but in New Zealand I’m constantly bombarded with flashes of mighty thighs.

- very, very tight pants. On men. So tight that I don’t think they can look in their pockets for change without a distinct thrill. These uber-tight pants bunch at the knee, which looks uncomfortable, and makes me worry about their fertility.

- black socks with sandals. Why does this look always make me think of Germans?